Drinking games 101
The run-down on HC’s favorite pastimes
Brendan Radke
Issue date: 4/12/02 Section: Features
Up the River, Down the River: The dealer asks the first player “red or black?” The player guesses a color, and their card is then flipped. If they were correct, they give two seconds. If incorrect, they take two. This process goes around the circle. Once completed, the first person is asked “higher or lower (than the first card)?” If correct, give four. If wrong, take four. If the card is the same as the first, player drinks double. Next round, “inside or outside (of the first two cards)?” This round is worth six seconds, or twelve is the card is the same as one of the other two. Next round, “guess the suit.” This round is worth eight (calls to Miss Cleo result in a ten second penalty for the player). Once this process is complete, two columns of cards are laid, face down, on the table side-by-side, and a single card is placed at the end of the two columns. The first column is give, the second is take. One by one, these cards are flipped. Any card that the player has in his hand (the four cards dealt to him during play), he gives or takes according to which column a card of the same number was flipped. Each successive row is worth the more seconds of drinking. The final, single card flipped means finish a drink.
Twos: Infamous for its brutality, this game is rarely completed. The dealer deals to each successive player until a player is dealt a two, in which case all other cards are returned to the deck. This player then takes a sip, and keeps the two in front of him. Next round, the process is repeated, except that, instead of a two, a three stops the dealing. Then, the person dealt the two takes a sip, followed by the person dealt the three (length of the sip does not depend on the card). This process continues, with the person with the two always beginning the drinking, and the other players who have been dealt cards following, in numerical order. Some players might receive many cards, others might get none. Once an ace has been reached and the drinking is finished, the cards are returned to the deck as usual, and dealt out until another person gets an ace. If the person with the first ace gets the second ace, they get to give out both to two people of their choosing. Once the second ace is received, the drinking begins on the single two, goes all the way to the single ace, then the person with the second ace clinks beverages with the person with the first ace, and they both drink a sip. Thus, the sequence goes back down the deck, with the person with the second-round card not drinking on the way up, but with the person who has the first-round card on the way down. This process is supposed to continue back up and down through the deck, but, from what this writer has been told, play usually must be stopped at the halfway mark to excess death.
Twos: Infamous for its brutality, this game is rarely completed. The dealer deals to each successive player until a player is dealt a two, in which case all other cards are returned to the deck. This player then takes a sip, and keeps the two in front of him. Next round, the process is repeated, except that, instead of a two, a three stops the dealing. Then, the person dealt the two takes a sip, followed by the person dealt the three (length of the sip does not depend on the card). This process continues, with the person with the two always beginning the drinking, and the other players who have been dealt cards following, in numerical order. Some players might receive many cards, others might get none. Once an ace has been reached and the drinking is finished, the cards are returned to the deck as usual, and dealt out until another person gets an ace. If the person with the first ace gets the second ace, they get to give out both to two people of their choosing. Once the second ace is received, the drinking begins on the single two, goes all the way to the single ace, then the person with the second ace clinks beverages with the person with the first ace, and they both drink a sip. Thus, the sequence goes back down the deck, with the person with the second-round card not drinking on the way up, but with the person who has the first-round card on the way down. This process is supposed to continue back up and down through the deck, but, from what this writer has been told, play usually must be stopped at the halfway mark to excess death.